Saturday, May 17, 2014

The Unnatural Appeal of Supernatural Romance

    Are you aware that Supernatural Romance now has its own section in Barnes and Noble?  I can’t be the only one who finds this disturbing.  Seriously.  At what point did monsters crawl out from under our beds and climb up into them?  Even more perplexing, why do we seem to want them there?  Open your eyes, ladies -- even a fleeting glimpse of these dudes reveals some major drawbacks.

Dracula:  Sure, he’s smooth, but he insists on consuming his girlfriends’ lives. What draws us to these love 'em and leave 'em types, anyway? Especially when we've seen the ending, time and time again. His initial smoldering passion ultimately leaves a girl cold. Just ask Bella.

Frankenstein and his Bride:  Sorry, gals -- he’s already taken.  (It’s no wonder they fell in love:  They were made for each other!)  

King Kong:  A muscle-bound brute with primitive technique, K-Kong still managed to get the girl.  Too bad his thrilling ascent into show biz took a major nose-dive.

The Mummy:  Don’t you just hate a guy who tries to remake you into his first true love?  And for all you witty psychiatrists out there, the woman he yearns for is Anck Su Namun, not his own “mummy.”  (Sheesh.)

The Boogeyman:  Just when you think you’ve found “Mr. Right,” he decides to come out of the closet.

Godzilla:  A perfect example of the alluring foreigner who ends up wrecking your world.

The Wolfman:  This guy actually shows promise if he could learn to contain those animal urges.  For now, though, things get a little too hairy once the sun goes down.

Zombies:  They relentlessly pursue you, even when it’s clear you’re not interested.  The upside? At least they love you for your brains.

The Invisible Man: No substance whatsoever.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (or any other campus, for that matter):  It’s time for us all to quit being superficial and give this guy a chance.  Plus, he’s got a job.

Despite my personal misgivings, throngs of middle-school females are dying to find love with a supernatural boyfriend. This series was among my students' faves this year:

That's the first book of ten. As for the next nine, you're on your own -- and don't say I didn't warn you.

Next up: How Hollywood Made My Students Read